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02 May 2011 @ 09:43 am

I'm looking for someone who is interested in being an active moderator for this community - coe_bed.

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Current Mood: workingworking
20 November 2010 @ 09:52 pm
I have Binge Eating Disorder.  I was just diagnosed this year, but it should have been obvious what was going on years ago.  I am a former anorexic (who really misses being anorexic) whose restrictive eating disorder has somehow morphed into BED.  So embarrassing.  And the excess weight makes life very difficult to navigate both physically and emotionally.  I just started a journal here to chronicle what it feels like to have BED and to live with morbid obesity, and I'm looking for supportive communities and friends who understand what I'm going through.  Here's my stats:

Anorexic since Jr. High through College
Binge Eater since around Late College through Now - although I was just diagnosed w/ BED recently and have just started seeing an Eating Disorders specialist for Binge Eating
Height:  5'4"  Weight:  300lbs.  Size: 24

Here's a picture of me from 2 weeks ago:

I hate pix of myself nowadays - I used to love having my pix taken.  So much has changed.
Current Location: Gig Harbor, WA
Current Mood: disappointeddisappointed
14 November 2010 @ 04:56 pm
Hey, I'm new here :) I'm 18, 5'2, and compulsively overeat...lots.

At home it wasn't so bad, would only do it when there was nobody else in the house, and because the nearest shop was 5 miles away I'd never go out and buy piles of food.

But now...I'm at uni.  What I eat is accountable to nobody but myself, and the workload is so stressful, I just eat.  And eat a bit more.  Then go out and buy some more food.  Then eat that too.

It's horrible, I can see the weight going on, the fat spilling over, the clothes not fitting anymore...but physically can't stop eating.

Hate this so much :( Anybody have any advice for people living away from home with COE?

Current Mood: guiltyguilty
15 October 2010 @ 03:47 am
I'm 19 years old, and have finally said it out loud. I have an eating disorder.

Although it's been pounding in my brain for most of my life, I never wanted to say it out loud, because when people think of EDs, they always go to anorexia. Needless to say, I DO NOT have anorexia. I know it sounds awful, but Sometimes I wish I did.

I'm 5'2" and 240lbs. In January of 2010, I was 200lbs, and convinced that I was going to stop.  It hurts so much when people say "just go on a diet" or "just stop eating" because I honestly don't know how. Food comforts me. I eat when I'm happy, sad, bored, hungry, and-- worst of all-- I eat when I'm full.  The only time that I don't think about food is when I'm asleep, so I'm often sleeping so that I don't feel guilty. In fact, I often go to bed after eating, that way I don't have to face what I've just done.

My thoughts about weight loss go in circles. I eat to the point of pain, then think "that's IT! I'm done with this, I'm going to start a diet tomorrow!" but then I immediatly start putting myself down about it, start thinking about all the delicious food that I will be missing out on, my body feels dead, and I just can't tell myself to get up. I feel depressed, and before I know it, I'm eating, and not even thinking about the fact that I'm doing it. Then the cycle starts all over again.

My boyfriend is thin, and good looking. He is wonderful to me, but I often feel like I'm disappointing him. I'm terrified that if a thin girl were to show interest in him, he would leave me in a heart beat. I know this is irrational because we've had an unwavering relationship for over 4 years, but I still can't keep the thoughts out of my mind.

I know that I'm ugly because of my weight. I just want to feel beautiful. 

My goal weight is 150lbs, and when I see girls that are around that weight, I just want to tell them how beautiful they are. When I was 15, that was my size, and I thought that I wanted to be 100lbs, so I did everything I could to stop eating, but everything failed. When trying that I actually stopped eating for long periods of time, but one day I was with my grandpa and I passed out while trying to help him with lawn work, and he teased me about it all day. Of course, he didn't realise why I'd passed out, but it embarrassed me.. I became depressed by that moment  and just sort of gave up. Now I'm in a hole that I don't think I'll ever be able to get out of. I feel like if I could just shut up that piece of my brain that tells me to keep eating, I'd be able to do it.
Current Location: United States, Indiana
Current Mood: crushedcrushed
06 April 2010 @ 10:51 pm
Do any of you know of any clinics for binge eaters? I've been in a hospital before a couple of years ago but they mainly treated anorexia, so it didn't really help me at all. They also served really unhealthy food (white bread, pizza) which increased my anxiety.
11 March 2010 @ 05:34 pm

I have struggled with my weight all of my life. Ive tried many diets and diet pills...I've tried not eating, laxatives..

I think about my weight all day, everyday. I feel guilty everytime I eat but I cant stop..>Everything got worse once I moved to college and I am on my own. I want to stop eating! I need to stop eating because I am getting so fat.

I am 5'11 and I dont want to weight myself.A few days ago I hit 170! and I cried.
I havent been this big since all of my life. I am so depressed. I seriously feel like S***

Everyday I tell myself: today I will eat less! but I end up eating so much!


This morning I ate cereal, then I ate raisins, orange juice, chinese food (chicken brocolli, egg roll, hot & sour soup), 2 arroz con leche puddings, 1 rasperry acai apple sauce,  1 string cheese from weight watchers....and I am probably going to eat more later because Im always hungry!  :'(

i hate how fat im getting. nothing fits!! and next week is spring break and I am NOT going anywhere because I look horribleee!!!!

WHAT CAN I DOO!!!!!!!!!

Current Mood: pissed offpissed off
10 March 2010 @ 11:50 am
I am sad to say that my binge eating is starting to control my life once again.

I had ost 60 pounds several years ago by diet and exercise. I was really good with controlling what I ate and how much I ate.

I graduate from grad school and I got nuts. I have since put on 35 pounds and can't seem to get my eating under control. It seems to come from living with my husband. Before grad school, I lived with him and gained the weight (I went from the 140's to almost 200 pounds) In grad school, we were long distance for awhile and I lost the weight. Now we are back together and I keep going nuts.

How can I stop? I can't kick my husband out of the house. He has a binge eating problem too, so I think we end up encouraging one another. He refuses to change. When he buys cookies and pizza, I simply cannot resist. I usually just keep the bad food away and only have healthy food around, but I can't with him around. He has less will power than I do. He can't go to the store without buying something bad. Mostly, I do all the grocery shopping fofor that reason alone.

But then I visit my family a lot (or they visit me) and they have so much junk food just laying around. Cookies, candy, ice cream, you name it. I end up eating tons of it. Not visiting my family is not an option. I need to stop myself from reaching for the candy.

People often say you binge eat because you deprive yourself. I don't deprive myself at all. That is the problem. I just can't stop eating once I start. I have read that smaller portions of bad foods is betetr than getting rid of it altogether...but I simply cannot stop at one bite of chocolate or one spoonful of peanut butter.

I can't afford any type of counseling and I am so tired of being chubby. I don't qualify as "fat" yet, but I am afraid I will be back at 200 pounds before I know it. None of my old clothes fit and I am depressed. I need out of this rut.

Any advice on controlling the binging and overeating? Keeping it away from me is easier said than done. Any tips that have worked for you? Anything at all?
01 February 2010 @ 10:24 pm
 Hey I'm new here, I joined mostly to be in a community with other people who have similar struggles as me and to try and better understand my bed so I can stop it. I have always overeaten, it mostly started when I was younger, and I would eat second then third helpings of dinner every night. Gradually it became an addiction, and I had to eat that much every night, I would eat so much until I was in pain from eating. Since then I have binged quite frequently, even though I tell myself not to, the cravings are so intense, and I know it's all psychological, but I don't have the will power to say no. I have in the past tried to purge several times, but I hated the feeling. Mostly I compensate by overexercising. My goal is to learn to control what I eat and lose weight. In the past 3 months I have gained 15 pounds, and the sad thing is is that in those past few months I was trying to lose weight. I am afraid I will keep gaining and I will become stuck in the helpless cycle, that's why I need to stop this now. I have never weighed more than I do now and I am ashamed to look at myself. I've been depressed for the past while because of this and I can't take it anymore. It NEEDS to stop.

Age: 17
Height: 5'7
CW: 147
HW: 147
LW: 125
GW1: 140
GW5: 120
GW6: 115
GW7: 110
GW8: 105
UW: 100
22 January 2010 @ 02:23 pm
I really wanted to do well today. I really did. But I slipped up, bought a ton of binge food, and shoved it into my mouth as fast I can. I started involuntarily vomiting in my mouth at one point, but I would swallow it and continue eating.

When will this ever end? Hopefully not at death. I can't imagine dying as an eating disordered person. Before I die, I want to have lived life as a happy person who's normal around food.
04 January 2010 @ 12:38 pm

I'm looking for someone who is interested in being an active moderator for this community - coe_bed.

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Current Mood: workingworking
26 September 2009 @ 10:51 pm
heyy i think i have bed..
26 September 2009 @ 10:02 am
Hey everyone, I'm new here, so I guess I'll do that whole introduction thing.
Ill cut right to the chase- I've had bulimia for about 3 years now, and I've been binge eating for as long as I can remember. My parents divorced when I was very young, and I would always sneak into the kitchen late at night and eat. Now, I binge quite frequently; I purge often but not after every binge.
That's it, I think. If you wanna be friends- I'm totally willing to meet new people. :D
Hope you all have a wonderful day!
21 September 2009 @ 03:42 pm
So, I just joined this group today. It seems to be appropriate for what I've been dealing with the last ten or so years of my life. Ever since I was a very young child I always did the whole "secret eating" thing with cookies, candy, and what have you. Up until around 4th grade I thought I was the chubby person in the class, but I obviously was not. I was probably around 60 to 70 pounds that year. My poor self image didn't really become a problem until about when I was 13. That year I began skipping meals, occasionally replacing food with cigarettes. I began cutting myself as punishment for putting any particle of food into my mouth. I became obsessed with calorie counting, working out, diet pills, and how visible my ribs and pelvic bones were. Now, over the years I've been dealing with this, I  became very interested in yoga. Regular practice helped improve my self worth and I began to accept myself for who I am. I also got involved with my high school rowing team. While I was participating in varsity rowing, I was in a light weight category. Obviously that made me feel good about myself because I was 116 pounds (5'5"). I was still in the habit of limiting my calories, recording everything I ate. After my short rowing career, I graduated high school, very excited to go to college. There is a long story of why I picked the university I went to, but I ended up going to a major party school, one of the top 5 in the country. I got involved in a lot of drugs and alcohol and towards the end of my first year, I was hospitalized. That year from all the damage I had done to my body, I gained the dreaded freshman 15, which I now am dealing with. I have managed to surpass my suicidal behaviors and delusional thinking of reality, but I still think about food food food. Lately I have been skipping meals again, occasionally vomiting and taking laxatives. I've begun replacing meals with protein bars and I try as much as possible to avoid going out to eat with friends because I always think "Am I eating to much? Am I eating too loud? Are they staring t my fat rolls while I gorge food down my throat?" It's terrible, I am going back into square one of my disorder. Currently I am 5' 5" and range from 125 to 127. This may be disgusting to admit, but I have always wanted to get down to 105. And to make matters, not necessarily worse, but more difficult, my boyfriend is major bulimic, and it hurts me to se him deal with what I deal with because he is so skinny now that it's almost disturbing. I finally have been able to rub his stomach when he lays down now, but the two of us going through this causes us some tension. Thanks for reading thsi first post. I apologize for the length, but I figured I should explain myself for my first post
Current Mood: anxiousanxious
28 August 2009 @ 07:34 pm
Hello, this is your maintainer!

I was curious about if any of you had some ideas to how to make this place more active! I also would like to know if you have any ideas to where we could promote this community, I would love to make some promo banners but I don't know if any of you are interested in promoting.

Please let me know what's on your heart! I would really like to see this place grow and become more active! I think it has a lot of potential, and you've all done such a great job posting here (I miss a lot of you who used to post often!)
Current Mood: curiouscurious
25 July 2009 @ 10:32 pm
Has anyone out there ever tried it or is currently going to meetings?

In one of my classes we had to pick one of the 12 step programs and observe 2 meetings. I could have done AA like everyone else, but I thought I would take this opportunity to go to Overeaters Anonymous, because I know otherwise I probably won't go. That way I can get my assignment done and possibly be inspired to get some help.

My compulsions are getting worse and worse, but since my daily schedule changed so drastically I don't have time to exercise. So I've been binging without exercise thus leading me to gain weight. So much weight that now virtualy none of my clothes fits (except loose dresses because they don't have zippers and buttons. So I'm basically wearing mumu's) ANd this weight gain has severely affected my mood and depression, causing me to binge more. So I'm stuck in a never ending circle.

So I figured I would take this class assignment as an opportunity to get out there and get help. So my question to you guys is... how is it? Anyone willing to share?
Current Location: The big comfy chair
Current Mood: jittery
Current Music: Soothing sounds
17 June 2009 @ 07:09 pm
I've been trying to eat healthy for the past month now. I tried to keep it at a 1200-1400 intake, and at first it was going okay.
For the past two weeks I've managed to fall into massive binges.(Sad to say I've gained weight and haven't lost any) I'm not sure why I binged. I wasn't that hungry and I didn't want to eat what I had in my hands, but managed to stuff it down my throat anyways.
I've purged and ODed on laxatives and I thought today would be my day. It was going extremely well until my family took me out to eat at a buffet. I told myself, "I'll eat normally, I don't want to binge." But I ended up eating a terrible amount of food. My stomach hurts so bad and I'm so tempted to pop some laxatives. I don't want to, but I don't feel like I have any other option.
I don't know why I've started having these massive binges just about every night now. I'm getting  very sick of it.
Tomorrow I want to hit the gym and stick to a 1000 calorie intake.
I'm too much of a fatass to go back to my 500 intake.
08 June 2009 @ 09:05 pm

Hello everyone
I'm new here.
Basically been stuck in a binge-eating (and sometimes purging or restricting) cycle for the last 7 months.
Am trying to get healthy now and lose a few pounds without hurting my body.
Wish me luck!
Hope you're all doing ok,
love Letty

06 May 2009 @ 10:51 pm
I thought my paper was due next Thursday... turns out it is due tomorrow... I just assumed it was due at the end of the semester like I am used to. Good thing I looked up the syllabus tonight.

Though now I've eaten a full 16" pizza, 5 pieces of peanut butter toast, 1/2 a 175 of captain and one of those frozen chicken kiev's. I still have 2 more pages to write. I need more food :(
30 April 2009 @ 10:00 am

"But I paid no attention to the voice of self sabotage. I knew where I felt most clearly led. I no longer felt as if I were flailing around helplessly in space. I knew there were concrete, specific tasks that I must do If I wanted to live. I was willing, with every ounce of my being, to do the necessary inner work, however painful it might be. I had made my choice; I had chosen life. "

Great Book about CO, binging, depression and recovery

Holy Hunger By Margaret Bullitt-Jonas
18 April 2009 @ 09:20 pm
Hi everyone~I am new here. I read all the rules, but I still hope I don't mess anything up!
I was diagnosed with COE about a year ago after gaining ~40lbs in about six months. My old roommate was a pro-ana girl who never ate anything, and used to try on my clothes to make her feel better about herself (we used to be the same size, so she would steal my pants and put them on and then talk about how big they were on her). Her behaviour was really triggering to me, but I ended up binging to make myself feel better like 4-5 times a week, and before I knew it I had gained 40lbs. I don't live with her anymore, but now it's hard to stop that kind of destructive behaviour.
I go to the gym several times a week, but if I binge I end up not going because I think, "why bother??" But on the days I go to the gym I don't binge at all. Basically my problem is that I can eat healthy foods, but as soon as I get hungry I binge. Like, I start eating and can't stop. So I end up eating either 900cal/day or 3000cal/day. There is no in between!! Does anyone else have this problem?
I also don't understand why some people use laxatives...? I binged today, and then took a couple of my boyfriend's laxatives because I thought it would help, but I don't really get what they're supposed to do (besides the obvious). Do they make you not hungry or what?
Anyways, I hope to be active in this comm, since I love LJ so much and it might help (this is my sock, though...). Hope to meet some nice new people, too.
03 April 2009 @ 09:10 am
i was doing so, so well. maybe a month or two of normalish eating! the past two days i quit drinking and now i can't stop eating. ugh. feel kinda lost.
07 April 2009 @ 03:02 pm
Things are progressing very well with my weight loss.  I've lost about 10 lbs in the last 2.5 weeks.  In case you missed it last time, here is it documented:


It might inspire you, so feel free to check it out and come back often.

02 April 2009 @ 09:26 pm

Hi Im new to this group, I was feeling so alone after my last binge so I decided to find somebody to talk to. How do you stop binging why cant I just eat normally like my friends. Eat when im hungry and stop when I'm full. Food is all I think about. I am so embarrassed to have this kind of eating disorder. I read a book called Crave last week and it was so inspirational and for about a week i was eating healthy and exercising but I lost it and I am getting more and more depressed. I just feel like ending it but then again I dont really want to because I dont want to miss out on the good part of life. I just wish I could escape this disease. I feel like I have no will power right now. Food has control over me and I feel like I cant say no. Any one that has any advice please tell me anything. I have no friends, for real. I'm in a long distance relationship across the country. So it's been hard to be alone.

25 March 2009 @ 01:27 am
why is it that i can eat 3000 calories over my limit in a day no problem but then have to work my ass off to eat 1000 below (to get rid of all the damage i've done). It's so unfair! I've been doing slightly better lately...as in I've been keeping my binges under 1500cals over my limit but it's still not great. Damn it! Why do I love food so much!?
22 March 2009 @ 07:59 am
I am working on a personal site I just created as a project to guide my weight loss.  Please visit it - maybe it will inspire you some days.